For The One That Chose Me Anyway

You weren’t meant to be mine.

You arrived on our stoop that Christmas morning like a question the universe whispered softly —and my heart answered before my mind ever could.

My nurturing took over before I knew it had, and you learned my scent the way souls do quickly, instinctively, as if you had always known me.

Within months you were sleeping tucked into my body, curled into any open space

I made for you as I folded myself into sleep.

You were so tiny.

So light the world barely noticed you were there.

So calm you could be in a room and no one would know, except me who always felt you.

You had your favorites.

The ones whose footsteps made you turn into a torpedo of joy —head and tail moving in every direction at once, your whole body saying, Yes. Yes. Yes.

We made a life out of small things.Beach weekends.

Long drives.

Open windows.

Me coddling your little stomach on trips longer than three hours, as if distance itself was too big for your tiny frame.

Two years ago I almost lost you.I felt it coming — that thin place between here and not here. And when I learned how to nourish you back into this world, when I made your food with my own hands, you gave me two more years.

Two more years of loving you.Two more years of watching you exist.Two more years of us.

And now my hands are empty.

For two months I became your whole world.Feeding you like a newborn.

Changing you.

Turning you.

Making sure you were never alone in a body that no longer moved.

You couldn’t run anymore.

Couldn’t follow me.

Couldn’t be a dog the way the world defines “dog.”

But you were still you.

Still my boy.

Still my love.

Still my responsibility.

All you needed was to see me.

And I was there as much as I could be.

But love is not always loud enough to stop suffering.

And mercy sometimes looks like betrayal when your heart is breaking in half.

I could not watch you fade inside your own body.

I could not pretend that keeping you here was kinder than letting you go.

So I chose your peace over my ache.

And I will live with that forever.

Mornings are the hardest now.

Because you are not there.

Your sweet face no longer waiting for me.

No little eyes reminding me that I am someone’s whole world.

But you were. And I was yours.

For thirteen years I was your person.

And you were my constant.

My softness.

My proof that love can be small and still be infinite.

You were not meant for me but you chose me anyway.

And I chose you.

Every single day.

🤍

My Poppa Pooch I Love You So Much